The art of saying graceful ‘NO’

 In Relationship Counselling

Do you remember saying YES to someone’s request because of feelings of social awkwardness and pressure? And soon feel bullied and resentful – both at the person and at yourselves. Trust me you are not alone in this. There are a number of people who say yes and then wake up to the unpleasant reality that something more important must now be sacrificed to accommodate this new committment.

So, how do we learn to say NO gracefully? How do we say No without feeling bad about it and fear of losing relationship with that person?

When our friends, relatives, boss, colleagues etc ask us to do something, we confuse the request with our relationship with them. We forget the fact that denying a request doesn’t mean we are denying our relationship with them.

Therefore to master the art of saying ‘No’ – you have to start separating relationship with the decision to accept or reject the requests. Once you made a decision then next step is to find the courage and compassion to communicate it.

And “the graceful and unbeatable skill of saying NO is, not to use the word NO ” I am suggesting you to choose “no” more often than saying no.

Let me clarify this by an example-

Situation: Suppose that your friend asked you to come to a party with him and you have some other important commitments.

Your reply: Think if you really want to go with your friend or not. Ask yourself what exactly do you want to do? If the answer is YES then you have already decided and off you go. And if the decision in your mind is ‘no’ and you are struggling to deny the offer then you can say-” I would really love to join you , but I have really something very important to do which can’t wait. So next time”. There are various ways of refusing someone clearly and politely without actually using the word NO.

The more you think about what you are giving up when you say yes to someone, the easier it is to say no.

But the catch is when you say no, there is usually a short term impact on the relationship. After all no one likes to be turned down, so people’s immediate reaction may be annoyance, disappointment or anger. But trust me, when the initial annoyance wears off, the respect kicks in.When we push back effectively, it shows people that our time is highly valuable. And people around us start respecting us for being honest, remember that a clear no can be more graceful than a vague or noncommittal yes.

Therefore folks “do what you really want and have to do, rather than following people because you can’t say or don’t know how to say NO”. Learn the art of deciding for yourself and communicating it candidly and gracefully.

All the best!

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